With older kids, whether they will talk to you depends on your overall relationship. Your child will probably apologize, and learn something about relating civilly. But teens who feel that other things are more important to their parents often look elsewhere when they're emotionally needy. But they'll stick around if the conversation is interesting. If you jump in with solutions, you make him feel incompetent. They can't wait to get back to their computers and cell phones and iPods. Being on hand when they come home is a sure-fire way to hear the highlights of the day, but anytime you get in their space and in sync with their energy level works. If it's close, then they won't need to worry about whether to trust you with delicate information, and they won't need to seize a rare chance for power in the relationship by withholding info. When they're toddlers we call it floor-time; with nine year olds you might snuggle on the couch while you chat about anything from their day at school to the coming weekend to a TV show you just watched together.
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